Before I destroyed it all with my stupidity.And what made it even worse for me was that the last man inside me, the last man to have my body wasn't even my husband! It was Hugo! The man that I let destroy my marriage and send the man I love to prison! Hugo! Even now, that thought makes me sick. Sick at heart as well as sick to my stomach. When the memory surfaces, as it does on those days when the world seems to have it in for me, I end up on the floor in the bathroom, still wet from the shower that never seems to make me feel clean. And regardless of what they say, time hasn't made it any less. It is still as vivid in my memory as the day it happened. And I hate it! I pray that I can forget it, but so far my prayers haven't been answered.Enough! It was done and it was over. Stop wishing and saying sorry over and over. It doesn't help anything! And stop waiting for fate to come along and punish you so it can then forgive you! God doesn't punish the guilty and reward the innocent!. Not a dependency. I mean, to have someone I know I can trust, someone I care about, who takes me just as I am. That's what you do for me. I don't know where I'm going right now, Mary. But you give me a hand rail, I guess you'd call it, that I can hold on to while I'm looking." Thank you. That makes me feel good. But, what about Anne? She cares for you as much as I do." I know she does... I don't know. Perhaps if I'd seen her at the Union today... No. Anne's got an agenda going on. She's got a goal. I don't know what it is..." I don't think she does, either, Alex." Well, maybe not, but somehow you're easier for me to deal with. I love Anne, too. It's just that she's moving too fast for me to hold on to. That's kind of like what I mean." Alex, you can use me for a handrail, if you want. Just watch out you don't come to the end of it without noticing." What's that mean?" Guess we're talking in a foreign language here, 'cause we don't quite know what we mean... I mean that I'm finding my.
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